Eleventeen Magazine
by Master-of-the-Universe
Summary: Extra Extra read all about it in this installment of Eleventeen Magazine. Yes you heard right Eleventeen has in depth exclusive interviews with Harry, Hermionee, and Ron plus a bonus interview with everyones favorite evil doer Draco.
1. IQ Low

Eleventeen Magazine   
  
Exclusive in depth interviews with Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasly  
  
And bonus interview with Hogwarts resident ferret bad boy Draco Malfoy  
  
Eleventeen: Do you still wet the bed?  
  
Harry: Only on days that end in y.  
  
Eleventeen: Are you a megalomaniac?  
  
Harry: I'll be anything if it means I get free pudding.  
  
Eleventeen: What is this power you and only you have to stop The Dark Lord "you know who?"  
  
Harry: I plan on starting with the funky chicken and just winging it from there.  
  
Eleventeen: Do you have any heroes or people you look up to?  
  
Harry: Yes Lord Voldemort (eleventeen interviewer cringes at the mention of voldemort).  
  
Eleventeen: Did I hear you right? "You know who" is your idol? The man who single handedly killed both your parents and countless other innocent people is your role model. In all that is right and good in the world why oh why do you like this man?  
  
Harry: No no no. You got me all wrong. Vol.. (eleventeen man starts the cower and shiver like a little girl running to her parents room during a thunderstorm) I mean "you know who" is not my idol I just want to thank him for giving me this cool lightning shape scar on my forehead.  
  
Eleventeen: You want to thank Voldermort for your scar……. Why?  
  
Harry: Because the chicks dig it.  
  
Harry: Hey you know what would be fun?   
  
Eleventeen: What do you have in mind? (says in a bored condescending tone).   
  
Harry: VOLDEMORT  
  
Eleventeen: Ahhhhh  
  
Harry: VOLDEMORT VOLDEMORT VOLDEMORT VOLDEMORT VOLDEMORT VOLDEMORT ahh he's right behind you!   
  
Eleventeen: (shrieks in a high pitch girly voice runs around the room with his arms in the air then promptly wets himself and passes out on the ground in the middle of his own filth).   
  
Harry: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Hey does that mean the interview is over? ………………Where's my pudding? I like pudding. 


	2. Prissy Princess

Eleventeen: Do you ever do anything other than Read?   
  
Hermione: I daydream about a certain someone (turns sideways looks at Ron and Blushes)   
  
Eleventen: Could that special person possibly be Ron Hmmmm…  
  
Hermione: Are you kidding he is so…. so…well he's like a dorkmister you want to talk hot now Neville is hot  
  
Eleventeen: Really not Ron? Then why were you blushing when you gazed at him.   
  
Hermione: EWW me and Ron that's gross. I was just looked at him and was embarrassed for him. I mean like have you seen what he's wearing. In the words of Hillary Duff his poor boy rugged look is sooo yesterday.   
  
Eleventeen: So are you going to hook up with Neville?   
  
Hermione: No you must be joking. Why would I do that. I mean come on other then the fact that it would be complete social suicide I mean like hey I'm Hermione. I so totally got to like keep my boy toy options open know what I mean.   
  
Eleventeen: So do you have any special role models?   
  
Hermione: You mean other than myself. Did you like even see me in YM? I mean besides bestowing my vast unbridled knowledge to the masses I so totally looked hot. Come on did you see my outfit. You know I should like so totally be a model. No a supermodel.   
  
Eleventeen: So what is your idea of a perfect man.   
  
Hermione: Well he would have to be so incredibly hot. I'm mean I would have to be able to grade cheese on his rock hard abs. He would also have to be like loaded with money out the ying yang. And famous yea he so like totally has to be like a mega star. Defiantly A list you know. And he would like totally have to be in to me. He would buy me lots of expensive things and take me on exotic trips around the world in his personal jet.   
  
Eleventeen: What is your least favorite thing about yourself?   
  
Hermoine: Helllo its like me Hermione. Did you like not get the frekin memo. God I mean I'm like the vison of perfection. This interview is like so totally beyond over.   
  
Eleventeen: Just for all the readers out there who feel like I do about this interview I thought this info was in order.   
  
Word Count  
  
Like- 13  
  
So- 11  
  
Totally – 6  
  
(so much for that extensive vocabulary.) 


	3. Rappers Delight

Eleventeen: So Ron…  
  
Ron: Hey hold up homes the names D.Shiznit  
  
Eleventeen: Sure whatever you say Ro… er D. Shiznit  
  
D. Shiznit: Hold up G let me break it down for you   
YO check it check it out  
My names D. Shiznet and my neck is red  
I put miracle whip on my wonderbread  
Coffee is good yo strait from da hood  
You just sip from you cup like you know you should  
Yo I'm a strait G from the street  
Don't mess with me cause I ain't week  
I don't like it when Peeps are pakin guns  
Cause while yall gotta have guns  
I aint havin no fun  
Feel like I be the hot dog   
And yall be the bun  
(Pulls his hood over his head witch strangely resembles a KKK hat flashes a gang sign and yells)  
Niggers!   
  
Eleventeen: Dammit white boy   
  
D. Shiznet: Word  
  
Eleventeen: (promptly gets up moves over to Ron and pimp slaps him)   
  
Ron: (knocked out on the floor)   
  
Eleventeen: This interview with that craker ass Ron is over.   
  
A/N: this section of the interview is purely satirical and in no is meant to disrespect any ethnic group 


	4. Mudblood Dixie

Eleventeen: So Draco the question on everyone's mind right no obviously is how sis it feel to be turned into a bouncing ferret by Barty Crouch's son disguised as Mad Eye Moody  
  
Malfoy: First thing. Yall call me Malfoy it's a sign of respect ya hear. See what had happened was that old coot or whoever he was, was working for Voldemort (Eleventeen guy wimpers) at the time. He needed to keep his cover and had to say that dern mudblood loving Harry Potter from me. We's both fighten fer to cause just he had to do that to me keep his cover. Weren't nottin personal ya hear.   
  
Eleventeen: Are you saying you're a "Death Eater" and support "you know who."   
  
Malfoy: Christ son cant you say his name? Its…  
  
Eleventeen: That is quite enough and what's with this son business.   
  
Malfoy: Them mudbloods is ruining magic for us decent pure magic folk. No see mudbloods is to stupid to do proper magic which is why it's time fer the Dark Lords final soulution  
  
Eleventeen: MY god. You're going to kill perfectly decent wizards and witches because you don't like their lineage.   
  
Malfoy: You dern mudblood lover well get yall to. (Raises his hand and chants) Pure Blood Power!   
  
Eleventeen: Are you aware DRACO that you are a racist and for that matter a complete psycho. And what do you purpose to do about Harry and his crew?   
  
Malfoy: Oooooh I hate them all. Down with that stupid Harry Potter, little miss conceited mudblood, and stupid white boy Weasly.   
  
Eleventeen: Wait a minute Ron is a pure blood wizard.   
  
Malfoy: Yea well have you heard of his alter ego D. Shiznit. He's a damn fool and a disgrace. He must be destroyed.   
  
Eleventeen: can't argue with you there. Say Dra er Malfoy since you admit to being a Death Eater and all do you know the current whereabouts of "you know who"   
  
Malfoy: Ha Ha Ha ya Voldemorts right thur behind you.   
  
Eleventeen: (once again shrieks in a high pitch girly voice runs around the room with his arms in the air then promptly wets himself and passes out on the ground in the middle of his own filth ruining his last pair of clean underpants).   
  
Malfoy: GWAHAHAHAHA dern mudblood lover. Least that idiot Harry showin me how to make this interviewer scream like a girl. Hey whys he comin over here  
  
Harry: I see the eleventeen guy went potty on himself again. Hey Malfoy have you seen the pudding? I WAS PROMISED PUDDING.  
  
Malfoy: I'll give ya pudding you mudblood lover (raises wand)   
  
Harry: Hurray pudding wait a minute. (starts doing the funky chiken)   
  
Malfoy: (lowers wand) What in tar nation are you doin boy?   
  
Harry: (raises wand and says the spell) Willie Willie Winky Malfoy is a ferret.   
  
Malfoy: You idiot what kind of spell is that? YOU are such a….. (oddly enough Malfoy turns into a ferret)   
  
Harry: HAHAHAHA that never gets old. Hay ferret boy ever wanted to learn how to fly?  
  
Ferret : (Squeaks timidly then runs away)   
  
Harry: Wait come back. WHERE'S MY PUDDING? 


End file.
